maz {An Artsy Indaba}
12-31-2008, 01:32 PM
I'm posting this here, 'cause I think you ladies will really appreciate the humour :)
{my comments in green}
you know you've been in the Middle East too long when...
1.You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat (this is TRUE, it really happens!!! and you do stop being surprised)
2.You think the uncut version of 'Little House on the Prairie' isprovocative (OH TOTALLY, cencorship is awful here, GI JANE was cut down to a whole 50 minutes the other day, lol)
3.You think every one's first name is Al
4.You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees Fahrenheit (again, SO TRUE, you can also say 120F without a second though)
5.You expect everyone to own a mobile phone (YIP, it's the national sport here in the UAE)
6.Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the houseboy/babysitter/maid/helper(for some maybe)
7.You believe that speed limits are only advisory (YIP, totally true, also stop signs and yield signs are merely a suggestion, not actual road laws)
8.You expect all police to drive BMWs or Merc's (or Toyota Land Cruisers)
9.You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq (no kidding)
10.You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green and the time that the guy behindyou begins to blow his horn (completely true and accurate, also applies to the guy that gets right up your ass on the highway, going WAY more than the speed limit, 'cause as you will remember, that, is merely a suggestion)
11.You can't buy anything without asking for a discount
12.You expect all stores to stay open till midnight (Oh ttotally, it's going to be SUCH a thing to get used to, back in South Africa)
13.You understand that 'wadi bashing' isn't a criminal act {LOL, true, a wadi is a dry river bed, and total fun to explore, in the DH's 4x4 of course, :) }
14.You make left turns from the far right lane of a 4 lane carriageway (left hand drive) yes, because if you don't you miss the turn off and have to {god forbid} take a LONGER route to get to your destination!!!
15.You send friends a map instead of your address - totally true, we don't have street adresses, as it's obviously easier to explain to the non-English speaking Ikea driver "next to the big Marks & Spencer, pass the graveyard, straight ahead for another 20km's, tower 2, next to the pink shops, apartment 23455) - ok, not my real address, but you get the picture :)
16.You understand why huge 4x4s must slow down to a snail's pace whilst crossing a speed bump yet hurtle through a wadi at 100kph - but of course...
17.You think that 'Howareyoufine' is one word. So is 'Mamsir' - thanks to the HUGE Philipino opulation, you learn to speak "stupid-English" quite soon and rather well, your second grade teacher is turning in her grave!!
18.You know exactly how much alcohol allowance you have left for the month - TOTALLY true
19.You have a moon phase predictor on your computer - yip, though it doesn't mean squat, 'cause everybody goes by what the Saudi's say, and they don't have that moon-phase-predictor-thingy on their computers :)
20.You never say Saturday instead of Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday anymore - well, you stop trying to figure out the days, after week two of arriving here, with Friday being their holy day it's all so messed up, you're just grateful for you DH being off from work
21. You accept that there is no point in asking why you are not allowed to do something - just TOO true, especially if you're a woman
22. You expect queues to be 1 person deep and 40 people wide - thanks to the HUGE Afghani, Philipino and Indian expat community, "personal space" is quite a foreign concept
23. You realise that the black and white stripes in the road are not a zebra crossing, just bait to get tourists into the firing line - yip, we score 2 points a tourist, lol!
24. Seeing guys welcome each other with a kiss and hold hands while walking no longer distracts you - disturbing, but totally true
25. You carry 12 passport size photos around with you just in case - they've turned red-tape into an olympic sport I tell ya!!
26. You can tell the time by listening to the local mosque - yip!!! when the call at 12:17 goes out, I know it's time for the boy to go for a nap, very convenient really, I don't even wear a wrist watch :)
27. You think its a good night if there are fewer than 10 men for every woman in a coffee shop
28. Phrases like 'potato peeler', 'dish washer', 'coffee maker' and 'fly swatter' are no longer household items but are actually job titles - true ..l... if you're Arabic
29. Habibi isn't just the ex-president of Indonesia - nope, you know that it means "darling", "sweetheart", "my love", and you call your child that too, 'cause it's so pretty!!
30. Problem with your car AC or horn is more serious to you than a problem with the brakes - refer to the nano-second comment earlier ... :)
31. You think it perfectly normal to have a picnic in the middle of a roundabout at 11 pm, yip, 'cause there's no curfew, for anybody!!! Especially not the children!!! It's so much for fun to hype them up on m&m's and see what they'll do next!!!
{my comments in green}
you know you've been in the Middle East too long when...
1.You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat (this is TRUE, it really happens!!! and you do stop being surprised)
2.You think the uncut version of 'Little House on the Prairie' isprovocative (OH TOTALLY, cencorship is awful here, GI JANE was cut down to a whole 50 minutes the other day, lol)
3.You think every one's first name is Al
4.You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees Fahrenheit (again, SO TRUE, you can also say 120F without a second though)
5.You expect everyone to own a mobile phone (YIP, it's the national sport here in the UAE)
6.Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the houseboy/babysitter/maid/helper(for some maybe)
7.You believe that speed limits are only advisory (YIP, totally true, also stop signs and yield signs are merely a suggestion, not actual road laws)
8.You expect all police to drive BMWs or Merc's (or Toyota Land Cruisers)
9.You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq (no kidding)
10.You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green and the time that the guy behindyou begins to blow his horn (completely true and accurate, also applies to the guy that gets right up your ass on the highway, going WAY more than the speed limit, 'cause as you will remember, that, is merely a suggestion)
11.You can't buy anything without asking for a discount
12.You expect all stores to stay open till midnight (Oh ttotally, it's going to be SUCH a thing to get used to, back in South Africa)
13.You understand that 'wadi bashing' isn't a criminal act {LOL, true, a wadi is a dry river bed, and total fun to explore, in the DH's 4x4 of course, :) }
14.You make left turns from the far right lane of a 4 lane carriageway (left hand drive) yes, because if you don't you miss the turn off and have to {god forbid} take a LONGER route to get to your destination!!!
15.You send friends a map instead of your address - totally true, we don't have street adresses, as it's obviously easier to explain to the non-English speaking Ikea driver "next to the big Marks & Spencer, pass the graveyard, straight ahead for another 20km's, tower 2, next to the pink shops, apartment 23455) - ok, not my real address, but you get the picture :)
16.You understand why huge 4x4s must slow down to a snail's pace whilst crossing a speed bump yet hurtle through a wadi at 100kph - but of course...
17.You think that 'Howareyoufine' is one word. So is 'Mamsir' - thanks to the HUGE Philipino opulation, you learn to speak "stupid-English" quite soon and rather well, your second grade teacher is turning in her grave!!
18.You know exactly how much alcohol allowance you have left for the month - TOTALLY true
19.You have a moon phase predictor on your computer - yip, though it doesn't mean squat, 'cause everybody goes by what the Saudi's say, and they don't have that moon-phase-predictor-thingy on their computers :)
20.You never say Saturday instead of Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday anymore - well, you stop trying to figure out the days, after week two of arriving here, with Friday being their holy day it's all so messed up, you're just grateful for you DH being off from work
21. You accept that there is no point in asking why you are not allowed to do something - just TOO true, especially if you're a woman
22. You expect queues to be 1 person deep and 40 people wide - thanks to the HUGE Afghani, Philipino and Indian expat community, "personal space" is quite a foreign concept
23. You realise that the black and white stripes in the road are not a zebra crossing, just bait to get tourists into the firing line - yip, we score 2 points a tourist, lol!
24. Seeing guys welcome each other with a kiss and hold hands while walking no longer distracts you - disturbing, but totally true
25. You carry 12 passport size photos around with you just in case - they've turned red-tape into an olympic sport I tell ya!!
26. You can tell the time by listening to the local mosque - yip!!! when the call at 12:17 goes out, I know it's time for the boy to go for a nap, very convenient really, I don't even wear a wrist watch :)
27. You think its a good night if there are fewer than 10 men for every woman in a coffee shop
28. Phrases like 'potato peeler', 'dish washer', 'coffee maker' and 'fly swatter' are no longer household items but are actually job titles - true ..l... if you're Arabic
29. Habibi isn't just the ex-president of Indonesia - nope, you know that it means "darling", "sweetheart", "my love", and you call your child that too, 'cause it's so pretty!!
30. Problem with your car AC or horn is more serious to you than a problem with the brakes - refer to the nano-second comment earlier ... :)
31. You think it perfectly normal to have a picnic in the middle of a roundabout at 11 pm, yip, 'cause there's no curfew, for anybody!!! Especially not the children!!! It's so much for fun to hype them up on m&m's and see what they'll do next!!!