So...am I being punished for whining?

[Tracy_Blankenship]

The other day I was here whining about wishing i could have a little girl. I said I love my two little boys to death and thank God every day for their health etc etc.

Well...today we went to Hayden't 3 yr check up. I told her I thought maybe he had allergies or something since he has been sniffly and not himself and his face and eyes have been really puffy.

she checked him out and said...hmmmm yeah his skin is very pale and waxy...and look at those dark circles. did you see his neck. I said...well...it is a little swollen too...she said know...there is a hugeeeee swollen lymph node. Sure enough...it is the size of two smallish walnuts end to end. How did I not seeeee that. I am kissing on that kid all day.

Long story short....they put him on antibiotics (they say that 90% of the time it is just an infection). They gave him a tb test since it has been 2 yrs and if you are exposed you can get swollen nodes. They then gave him his vaccine...which made him pee his pants and cry...poor guy. Then they made us go downstairs and they wrapped him like a burrito and had me spoon him with my leg over his and proceeded to take a TON of blood from him. He was crying so card he was choking and saying mommy mommy mommy. This whole time i am crying silently while singing to him. We finish and I look over and my 5 year old is curled up in a ball in his chair (yup...he was with us...thought we were jsut going for a check up ya know).

So...now...two hours later....I am home and spent...they are laying in my bed asleep...cuddled up.

I feel so so so horrible. I should have just been happy with what I have and stop my whining.

I know he will be ok.

Ok...sorry...my hubby isn't here, my mom was on break and my bf is not home...had to come cry on some shoulders.

[hazelsmrf]

Awwww.

/hug

[Kiki Halbert]

Oh, the poor little guy...and poor mom too! Both of you need some rest. I hope it's nothing serious.

[ladydsw00]

You might not have seen the swollen lymph nodes, but you thought to take him to the doctors since she was not himself. That says that you did notice alot!!!!

So head up... you did good! I hope God blesses you with that little girl one day! All in its time!

Have a great evening!

[jaylensmom]

(((hugs)))...i'm sure your son will be fine but i can so understand how you feel...as mother's we think we should see and know everything that goes on with our little ones...don't beat yourself up...you're not a bad mom...heck my son chipped his tooth and i didn't see it...when someone pointed it out i just started crying because i couldn't believe i didn't see it...they all thought i had lost my mind including my son...(((hugs))) again keep us updated...

[Florida Cindy]

No, you are not being punished. Please be very greatful that you can HAVE kids. I can't conceive or bear children. DS is from DH's first marriage.

[as you wish]

:hugs You're not being punished, maybe just being reminded to be grateful for what you have. ;)

[metalmama]

Awwwwww I am so sorry hun that is scarey :hug Hope he gets better really fast!! I doubt your being punished hun .. it is ok to want a little girl to share with your family!!

[Amanda Rockwell]

Awww Tracy! I'm sorry you had such a hard day. I hope he recovers soon and don't you dare blame yourself for that!!!!!!!!

[Anita Richards]

big {{{hugs}}} i totally don't think that you're being punished. hope that he's ok and that it's nothing serious. more {{{hugs}}}

[CindySimon]

Big hugs from me too. We love to take everything on ourselves, we moms, don't we? It's not your fault AT ALL and I hope you come back in a day or two to tell us how much better he's doing.

[meadow92]

Big big hugs!! I hope he gets better quick!!

Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.

[rmcabana]

Tracy, don't even think that!!!! You are a wonderful mother! Sending you some big hugs!!!!

[Jennilyn]

Awww (((hugs))) Tracey!! You aren't being punished at all... I hope your little bubs feels better soon!

[Hom74]

{{{{{HUGS}}}} Poor boy...I'm sure he'll recover quickly! And ugh - I hate blood draws. Which reminds me I still need to get one done for DD2...at least before her next appt next Feb lol.

[matthewsmom]

Ahhh, (((HUGS)))!!!! You most definitely are NOT being punished! :( I'm a nurse & I've missed things on my own son because honestly I don't assess him everyday! LOL!!! It's only normal & that's what the professionals are for!!

[Lubeth]

I'm so sorry! I've been through a similar experience with my little one...going in for a check-up & then them running tests & all kinds of yuck. I hope that everything comes back alright. I know it was a hard day for you as his mommy. It's hard to have to allow the dr's do those things to them, isn't it?

[PetsAllOver]

Tracey,

I can so identify with how you are feeling. We just went through a scare with my 4 year old. She had to have a whole bunch of tests at the hospital and get blood drawn. I felt so bad. I just wanted to curl up and cry. So far, everything has checked out, but we still are not sure what is going on with her. I think the waiting is the hard part. I know you don't know me...but I am sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way. What my friends keep telling me is that I noticed something and I took her in and that is important. We moms think we should be able to prevent it all...but all we can do is love them and take care of them...and that is exactly what you are doing with your boys. :)

[Lynn G]

You poor thing. Hope he gets back to his old self soon and it is just a passing infection.

[Trina]

Aw, sweetie...***hugs***. I did read your other post so I know what you're referring to, but it is simply a complete FLUKE as to the timing of the two. You are SO not being punished, so get that little thought out of your head, okay?

Praying things work out for you!

[Mish]

Ohhhh sending you HUGE hugs!!! I sooo know how that feels. My 3yo is autistic & he had to have blood drawn a couple of weeks ago. He cried so terribly & fought so hard they had to start over again on his other ar, it killed e to be holding him down like that & he was screaming the place down, both from the needle & from the panic of having someone he didn't know touching him. It was horrid!

You're so not being punished sweetie, these things are a part of life... they happen, and in the long run, they help us see the good in our kids more because they soften our hearts. That's a lesson I've *had* to learn...after having 4 kids diagnosed with Autism disorders, I don't blame myself any more, I just look forward & try to help them the best I can.

Just love your boys & do the best you can... you'll still have hard days & times you want to sell them off to the lowest bidder ( :lol ) but you'll get through it too.

:hug :hug :hug

[friends1976]

Awww, poor thing. I HATE holding them while they do awful things. But, luckily the things forget it so easily! At least, he likely won't remember it when he is grown.

AND, I don't think it is because you mentioned your inner feelings the other day. You're not an MD. So, you couldn't have known what a swollen lymphnode looks like! That's why they get the big bucks and the alphabet soup after their name!!

[Tracy_Blankenship]

first and foremost.......http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w176/tracy_blankenship/smilies/HOValentine004HL.gif

thank you guys. that is why I posted here. some of you have been through it...some of you can imagine going through it....some of your are realists....some of you are total think with your hearts...we have a total representation of the world's population here as far as human spirit and emotion. I know I can get support, sound advice, shoulders, reality-slaps-in-the-face checks....you name it!

a)I "know" I didn't bring this on...but it is hard not to believe it still

b)It is a def check to how good I have it Janet: quote:You're not being punished, maybe just being reminded to be grateful for what you have. end quote. I have thought about that and so hope that is what it is. And yes...it has made me realize it even more that before

c)petsallover-- I am thinking and praying for you guys too...I hope they figure out what is going on...and we don't have to know each other to share the common bond of motherhood:hug

d)karen...why do you get dd2's blood drawn if you don't mind me asking? is everything ok? Is it something you have to do every year?

e) Cindy...I totally feel for you. big big big :hug I have a friend and a family member who cannot conceive...so I sososososo count my blessings daily. That is why in my original post I said...I thank God daily....I know that you have been blessed with a dss...but prob feel....pain on that front? my thoughts are with you~

f) once again...thank you so much for being here and listening, praying, sending good vibes...I do appreciate it more than you know! I stillllllllllllll feel horrible not seeing the neck...I def def def would have taken him in sooner. sighhhhh

[Mar1anneC]

Aww, man. That is rough. I hope little guy is ok. And no, I don't think you were being punished. Punished, would be if you tried to have a third kid in order to have a girl and had 3 boys! LOL. Just a little "mom of 2 boys" humor to try to cheer you up.

[Lena Brandenburg]

You shouldn't feel bad for longing for a certain family composition...everyone has dreams of having a family of a certain size or makeup. I can understand feeling like you are being punished because it sounds like you had a really bad day! Just snuggle your babies and journal about your blessings and gratitude. You will all get through this mama, probably no worse for the wear and definitely with a grateful heart! Come here to whine away any time! :hug to you!

[deborahde]

big hugs. Motherhood is truly one of the hardest jobs in the world. You aren't being punished at all, what you went through on this day shows you have a lot of love for your boys. I hope he gets better.

[Carinspixels]

ahwww i'm sorry, I dont think your being punished at all.
Hope he's getting better soon

[Tracy_Blankenship]

thanks guys....a little update. He is really tired and grumpy today,lol. the doc's office called...they got a few tests back...and he is very anemic. they hope to have them all in tomorrow! hugssss to all the wonderful ppl here!